Teresa loves to embarrass. Especially people who take an interest in me.

We went to the mall today, meeting some friends. We went to eat and there was this guy there that apparently kept looking at me. I had my back towards him, but apparently he would look over to me and sometimes smile. Then Teresa or Melissa would look at him and he would look away very quickly.

I looked over at him a few times and he had his head down the whole time. Every once and a while Teresa would blurt out, “He’s doing it again.”

I would say, “Are you sure he isn’t looking at you?”

“Oh no. He’s looking at you.”

Then she continued to say that he wanted my vagina.

It didn’t happen for a few minutes and then Teresa said, “Okay, I’m about to just tell him ‘Hey! Mountain Dew dude, just talk to her!’”

I think he heard her. Nothing happened and when we were leaving, he watched after Melissa and then looked straight ahead, and then Teresa and I started laughing because she bumped into a chair, he looked over and just watched us.

We were leaving and we saw him in the parking lot. She claims to believe he was looking for us.

So, yes. My friends love to embarrass; whether it be me or someone who takes an interest in me is the question.

Maybe I'm meant to always be left. To be alone.

Here’s some advice:

Don’t get married to him. Keep the baby, but talk to your parents. I don’t know if they’ll let you back in, but no one says you can’t at least try. Your mom might want you back, because she really does seem to care about you.

I may not like you anymore because you’re a selfish, lying bitch, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to make the wrong decision. You lost your parents. You lost the two best friends that you ever had; we trusted you, we believed you, we didn’t stab your back like you did to us. You really don’t deserve to be treated the way you do, just because of this 40-year-old looking guy who you say is your “man.”

Look. You’ve made up your mind. But don’t stress yourself out because of all the negativity and regret. Tell us the truth. We won’t be back as friends and we may not help you with your baby, but we’ll talk. You do know she almost lost her baby girl because of the stress you put us through. You’re going to have that on your shoulders, your family on your back, your “man” at your feet, and a baby in your stomach.

Please. Don’t do this alone. Just go back and talk to your parents. He’s going to let you down. I don’t care if you’ve been talking about a wedding and getting married. It’s all dry promises. He’s going to break your heart and you’re going to be left with a baby you can’t support and out on your own.

Oh, and if this is one of your high school lies just to get attention, you are much more pathetic than I thought you were.

hey! where's the baby i had in april? oh yea. i didn't have one.
i know you're reading this, oh wise one that can see the future. so here's a message: man up.

I really dislike you. I hope you rot in Hell.

Gone

Sometimes shattered
Never open
Nothing matters
When you're broken
That was me whenever I was with you
Always ending
Always over
Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster
I am breaking
That habit
Today

You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone

There is nothing you can say
Sorry doesn't cut it, babe
Take the hit and walk away
'Cause I'm gone
Doesn't matter what you do
It's what you did that's hurting you
All I needed was the truth
Now I'm gone

I don’t know what to think.

What A Day…

My day started off really bad. My grandfather died at 3:15 AM.

I get waken up at about 7:00, saying that my mom and brother weren’t going to school/work today.

I get calls from my cousins about 8:00.

I sit and listen to my parents on the phones and having the tell the same thing over and over again.

About 10:00, they left to go meet with the funeral people.

I cleaned from 10:00-1:30. I get a break.

In the course of 2:00-8:00, I…
- Take a nap
- Have a breakdown
- Talk to Teresa
- Drive to get myself some food since I don’t like chicken
- Have my aunt come visit; twice
- Help my mother with the dishes that were from my brothers room

At around 8:30, my friend Teresa and I have a little night out. She was going through some things and needed to get her mind off of them, while I was needing to just get away. So we drove around for an hour. Going from about 10 miles out of town and back, almost running into TWO deer, and her having fun with my phone.

It made us forget… even if just for an hour and a half.

9:30 I took my brother to a school event; talked about lesbians and masturbation. Then proceeded to embarrass my brother while he leaves the van - “I’ll keep the bed nice and warm, TREY THOMAS!”

She forgot about your issues and problems, and even though mine were still lingering in my brain, I let loose and let the night take control.

Teresa and I have been through so much together. We’ve known each other for five years and we have never been this close. She’s fun, wild, and amazing.

And loves to embarrass me. ;)

3:15 AM

September 10, 2010.

Rest In Peace, Grandpa Tom.

You’re in a much better place now.

I will always love you.

I love you

I hope you’re there
When it’s time
I hope you know
Why you’re there

Tired of fighting
Tired of pain
It’s time
I’m sorry

I love you
Don’t forget
I love you
Forever

Forever A Fena

I am sick and tired of the lies
That repeat in my thoughts
The ones that you made up
The ones that burn my mind

You are a scowling liar
Who preys on ones who are willing
You are a hasty action
That plays with a persons mind

The happiness from a child
The rent for a home
The knowing glances from strangers
The past is always with us

People have not forgotten
What you have put us through
Go ahead and live your life
And forget about the people

The people that meant the most to you
The people that cared when no one else did
The people who gave you a chance
The people who now know your true colors

But it doesn’t matter now
You’ve made your choices
And are now living with them
And without us; fena.