[03/18] Sicily Evelyn Zeka: My Hero

I hate this. I hate this so much. Not the fact that I can’t sleep, even though it is 3:00 in the morning. It’s the fact of why I can’t sleep. I don’t understand why children are put under cancer… Actually, why cancer even exists. My cousin. Sicily Evelyn Zeka. She’s the bravest four-year-old I have ever met in my entire life. I don’t want to get into that really. Mainly, she has cancer and it’s not looking very good. Find out more: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sicilyevelynzeka

When I was 13, she was official the first baby I held. Meaning new-born wise, of course. Her birthday parties were always something to remember. She was always a joy to be around. She was always energetic and joyful and all-around amazing. But why does it have to be this way? I keep asking why… Even though I know why isn’t the question. No one knows the answer to why. So… ironically, why do I always ask why?

She has touched so many life, from her family to strangers that have no idea even what her name is. This disease makes her not herself… If that makes sense. She doesn’t act the way she used to. Obviously, that is known to happen… But it’s still weird to see it on and from Sicily. She has been so strong… After everything, it’s just hard to comprehend the fact that it’s time to let go. Not right this second, but preparing yourself for the loss that will soon happen.

For some time, I was very much in denial. I’ve now spent the last three nights in my bed just… crying and praying for Sicily to be comfortable and safe. I’m not praying for a cure anymore. I’m not praying for a miracle anymore. I’m not praying for my cousin to be healthy… anymore. And that breaks my heart.

I think I prayed about twenty minutes just repeating anything and everything that I wanted to say. I want her to be safe. I want her to have a peaceful passing. I want her to have a loving surrounding. I want her to be able to go when her time is right. It kills me to even type those words, let alone say them, but they have to be said one way or another. I know that’s being so negative, but it’s the truth of the matter. Sometimes you just have to be able to realize the times when the time to be negative for your sake and the time to be realistically negative is right.

I am very grateful for my family and I honor Sicily for everything that she’s done and has been through. Just to be a cousin and a person that extremely emotional, is not a good mix when it comes to something horrible and heartbreaking like this.

Please pray for Sicily to have a loving, peaceful passing. Please pray for her family and for anyone who has come in contact with this beautiful angel that still marks this Earth. Please pray for her to be comfortable on her remaining days. I love you, Sicily Evelyn Zeka and you are forever my hero.